When you’ve been dating your girlfriend for a while, you’re going to find that yes, you’ve fallen in love and yes, you want to get married. It’s a great feeling when it happens, but after that you have a few things to sort out. Does she feel the same? How do you even ask someone to get married? Should you talk to her parents? It’s a pretty old fashioned sentiment, but asking for her hand in marriage has its pros and cons for sure. Should you take the old road and get their permission first?
Chances are that you’ve met her parents. If you haven’t met them, then stop right there. Either they live very far away or you shouldn’t be asking her for marriage just yet. Back to the matter at hand though, if you’ve met her parents then you should have some sort of idea on whether or not they’re old fashioned. The type that seems very pure and conservative would probably appreciate it if you asked for their daughter. But keep in mind that just because you ask doesn’t mean that they’ll say yes. On the other hand, if you have a set of parents that are very liberal and think that their daughter is a free spirit or the like, then asking would be a bad idea. All you’re doing is the opposite of what they think is right.
The pros. of asking her for hand in marriage is that you come off as very mature, considerate, chivalrous, and caring. Her parents have taken care of her for most of her life; of course you’d want their permission before you asked her if she wanted to get married. You’ll also get a helping hand in arranging for the proposal, as most parents want to help surprise their little girl. Asking her parents also creates a stronger bond between them and yourself, allowing you to explain your feelings and be completely honest while they do the same.
The cons of asking her parents are numerous. The first, and biggest con, is that you can definitely come off as being a complete jerk. Some people view it as you asking them to give her to you as if she’s property when in actuality she’s a person. It’s seen as chivalrous only because that’s how it used to be in the old days. But that was back when parents really did own their daughters and married them to whoever they pleased. Obviously you don’t think that she’s a thing, but she could still get very upset when she finds out. Her parents could tell her out of disgust or, even worse, after setting up the whole proposal you could find that she gets there and is pissed. Despite the support of her parents, this isn’t what she wanted at all. She might not want to get married, she might want to propose to you, or she might just feel like she was left out of the decision in the first place. It’s probably best just to ask her straightaway.